with your own penis?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
