I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
