Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
