Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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