I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
