Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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