I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
