Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
