Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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