Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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