5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
