there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
