sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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