You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
