new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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