Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
