I must be too annoying 4 u.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
