there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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