is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
