Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
