elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
