2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
