Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
