Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
