dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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