sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
