I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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