I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
