he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
