I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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