Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
