Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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