somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
