I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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