You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.