I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night