Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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