the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
