I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
