All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
