So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
