I think my vagina is haunted
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
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