girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
