I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
