i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
