dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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