if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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