Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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