we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
