Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
