Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
