Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You smell like stripper and shame
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
