I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
