Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
