if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
