Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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