That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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