someone owes me an orgasm
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
