Cold hands, warm shart.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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