He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
