We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
