i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
