Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His nipple licking is glorious
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