i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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