He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
