Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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