if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
