Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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