This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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