I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
