I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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