I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need a beard to bite.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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