Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
