we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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