dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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