His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
not ubering you a puppy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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